STOP Letting Other People Set the Frame for Your Own Existence

No one is going to die your death for you, so why should you let other people dictate how you're going to live your life?

Stop letting other people set the limits of your own life. Yes, there are certain "facts of life" that we can't escape, but there is also tremendous personal freedom that comes with the knowledge that many of the things we were taught were "rules" are actually guidelines, even simply suggestions.

We need to control the frame of our own existence if we want to be free. And by "frame" I mean the boundaries or paradigm within which we operate. The "rules of our game," so to speak. The rules and standards that we set for ourselves that guide our behaviors and shape our lives.

For an example of "frame," consider the following:

In conversation with others, when we allow them to lead the conversation, we're letting them control the frame. We're talking about what they want to talk about, we're answering their questions, and so on.

Of course, not everything in life is about "control," but the issue becomes a lot more serious when we're talking about your actual life. We let other people tell us what kind of goals we should strive for, how we should speak, and how we should think. We let other people dictate how it's acceptable to should show up in the world, and even what "success" actually looks like.

We're letting other people control the frame of our existence, under the tacit assumption that they know how to live our lives better than we do.

Again, you'll notice that in most conversations, those who are "high status" tend to control the frame. They steer the conversation in a direction that serves them, making the other participants respond to them, and prove themselves, always reacting to what's being said instead of leading the conversation themselves.  

In a wider context, those who are "high status" in life set their own frame as well. They ruthlessly curate their own reality, and never blindly let external forces dictate to them what's meaningful in life, how they should live, or what's worth doing.

Yes, we can all learn from others and take hints and cues from the wider culture about what's acceptable - absolutely we can - but the ultimate responsibility for setting our own frame lies with us.

But how do you even start? Especially if you've been blindly following the carrots that have been dangled in front of you your whole life?

The first step is detachment; it's the development of thoughtfulness, cultivated in solitude, and established by your own thoughts that is going to move you towards the answers. Every so often you have to disengage from all the inputs you're getting from the outside world and decide for yourself what you think.

It's an ongoing, life-long, even daily process. External forces will never stop trying to influence us to think and behave in ways that are actually contrary to our own interests. "Frame battles" as I like to call them are going on all the time.

People are always going to try and change you from the outside in, but you have to create yourself from the inside out.

With this comes a change in your paradigm, your mental operating system that tells you what's normal for you, possible for you, and desirable for you. If your paradigm is that you are happy and healthy, rich, free, resourceful, vibrant, alive, active, and loved, then you can't listen to anyone who tries to tell you that they know more about how to live your life than you do. Because who are they?

Raise your standards, and establish your own frame!

Consciously decide what's meaningful to you in life, what is and is not an excellent use of your time and energy, and move accordingly!

The alternative is a life spent being whipped around by the whims of others, many of whom absolutely do not have your best interests at heart.

If you don't set the frame of your own existence, someone else will try to.

If there is a void where your Self should be, someone else will rush in and try to fill it with their frame, and with their priorities. As the great psychologist Carl Jung once wrote:

And now, a book recommendation…

As if it wasn’t glaringly obvious from the giant photo above, the book I’m going to recommend tonight is Real Help: An Honest Guide to Self-Improvement, by Ayodeji Awosika.

I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it, because he’s one of the most popular writers on ALL of Medium.com, with nearly 100,000 followers. 

He’s also a 3x-author, TEDx speaker, and world-renowned personal development expert who reaches millions of readers per year with his message of radical personal responsibility and radical self-determination.

This book isn’t going to save you - that’s something you’re going to have to do for yourself.

The truth, however, is that facing the fact that no one is going to come save you is what's actually going to save you. And I can't think of too many people better qualified to deliver this critically important message than Ayodeji Awosika.

I loved this book so much that I’ve actually written a 12,000-word breakdown of the book covering all the most important key ideas, takeaways, action steps, and more, and you can read it for free at the Stairway to Wisdom. 

I’ve also got a brand new YouTube video in the works right now, and it’s all about the “10% Rule,” a strategy you can employ immediately that’s going to help you find great books to read much faster.

For all the new people who signed up for my newsletter in the last week, though, you may enjoy my last video, which is all about obsession, and how becoming deeply involved with a meaningful pursuit can add whole new depths of happiness and fulfillment to your life.

Watch that video right here.

But hey, that’s it for now, and I’ll talk to you later! I’m off to hit Back and Biceps at the gym right now, but let me know how you like my breakdown of Real Help! 

And if you enjoyed this post, please share it with someone else you think would love it too. Thanks!

All the best,

Matt Karamazov

P.S. Whenever you're ready, here are three more ways I can help you apply the wisdom found in the greatest books ever written to your life:

1. I have one spot left open for personal mentoring, and the first choice always goes to the people on my email list. Simply click here or reply to this email if this is something you're interested in working with me on, and I'll let you know more about it, answer all your questions, etc. It's not cheap, but it will be extremely valuable for you if you're willing to work as hard on yourself as I'm willing to work for you.

2. I've released 50 complete, in-depth book breakdowns on the Stairway to Wisdom that respects both your time AND your intelligence and will help you become the person you've always known you were capable of being. Read them for free here.

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